High School Fights

I suppose this is the reason most people prefer Saved by the Bell to Boy Meets World

It's like a bar fight. I forgot how raw saved by the bell was..Check out Belding trying to break it up dressed up in a goofy costume. I always hated anytime I was dressed in a costume and a moment arose where I had to deal with something.

And how does Boy Meets World do it?


Weak! Boy never met a punch.

Best TV Shows

In my opinion there really is nothing good on television right now. I sit and I watch TV and I find myself just channel surfing because I really can't find anything that I like. Sometimes I get lucky and TBS is having an afternoon screening of the Kevin Bacon classic Tremors or perhaps if I am up late at night USA will be airing Return of the Living Dead 1 and 2, which are the zombie movies where the zombies run. Running Zombies!! You can't beat that. However, if I had to say where the bright spots are in American television other than re-airing Kevin Bacon monster movies and running zombie movies, then it would have to be:

Mad Men: This show is amazing. What i love about Mad Men is that it the back drop of the show when you first hear it sounds a little dull. When I first heard what it was about, (1960 NYC advertising executives) I really wasn't that interested. Then I watched it and it blew me away. They make it interesting with superb, smart writing, great characters, great acting and storylines that you never see coming. I think it may be my favorite show ever. Not only that but the lead character Don Draper is the new Tony Soprano but in a much cooler way.


Eastbound and Down: This show is also amazing and I had been wanting to watch it since its release. I recently viewed it and it lives up to all the hype. Absolutely hilarious and a very original concept. Not only that but for someone who is a sucker for shows that use source music to really fit the essence of a scene, this show nailed it with this scene:


LOST: if you read this blog then you should know how much I like LOST. I like it so much that I blogged about whether or not the Air France plane crash didn't actually crash but instead was on an island somewhere. I don't even have to put up a video for this show. The fact that I even had that thought about the Air France flight is pretty sick and shows that maybe I watch LOST a litte too much. Not only that but have you noticed that I always capitalize every letter in LOST when I write about it. The island won't let me not capitalize the letters.....See what I mean.

Arc of a Temp

Good morning! Had a great cup of coffee and a nice chocolate croissant. Checked my emails and some comedy blogs.

Oh no! Not more spreadsheets! Ugghh!

I am hard at work and not happy. These spreadsheets suck!


Look at all I have done! Its a complete spreadsheet and it wasn't fun!


These spreadsheets are starting to take its toll!

Driving in the Wind

Next time you find yourself about to go driving out in the Hamptons or maybe through the back roads of the Berkshires or maybe even along the Pacific Coast Highway, make sure you have the song "Walking in the Wind" by Traffic handy. Throw it on, turn it up as loud as it goes, put your windows down, have one arm on the wheel and maybe your other arm around your Best Girl or maybe petting your Yellow Lab sitting in the passengers seat, and then of course repeat until you get to your destination.



Also, listen to the song while reading this blog entry. It goes nicely with that as well.

My favorite band right now

They are called Republic of Loose. They are from Ireland and no I don't like them because they are from Ireland and my last name is Murphy.

Here are my favorite songs:
Somebody Screamed


I Like Music


23 Things I Don't Like

Willie Mays

I'm a Benicio Del Toro fan but i'll be damned if this doesn't make perfect sense. Why is that?? God Dammit Rod you've done it again. Touche!

The Boilermaker

So I jogged in the Boilermaker roadrace this past weekend which is a 9 mile run through the streets of Utica, NY which is a pretty awful town. No offense to Utica but you make Washington Heights seem like Palm Beach. Do you want to know how bad Utica is? The Boilermaker is the biggest event that goes on in Utica. When a 9 mile jog is your towns highlight, well lets just say enough said. But aside from that, I realized how much I dislike major roadraces. Its not the actual running that I dislike, its what goes on before and after the race. I can't exactly put my finger on what it is that I don't like but perhaps this video can help clear it up. This video shows three people "hanging out" and "cutting loose" after finishing last years Boilermaker:

See what I mean? I don't know what it is but roadraces really bring out the cheesiness in people because I saw similar behavior at this years Boilermaker with the help of that song "You Can't Stop the Beat" from Hairspray (Use your imagination). All I'm trying to say is that I have the NYC Marathon coming up and I am more terrified of the pre and post race antics of the fellow joggers than I am of the 26.2 miles.

More Temp Stuff

I was in the Kitchen at my temp job yesterday having an afternoon snack. My snack consisted of a bowl of cheerios mainly because thats all the kitchen had at that point in the day. A guy that is pretty high up in the company came up to me and said "You're Phil right?" and I said "Yeah" and he then said "So are you here as an auditor or something?" I'm sitting there thinking, "Yeah, how many auditors do you know eat cheerios at 3 in the afternoon?"


On a side note, I shampooed my hair last night which maked me look like I was in the Monkees.

HBO

Remember when HBO played this before they showed a movie.

Wow!! I have to admit I got a little choked up watching this. It's a weird memory from when I was a little kid. My brother taped The Empire Strikes Back on HBO and it used to be my favorite movie. Everytime I watched it I always made sure to re-wind it all the way to the beginning so that I could see this HBO introduction. They don't make em like they used to.

1982

This song by Keni Burke came out in 1982, which is the same year I was born.

I just hope that when Keni Burke passes away we give him the same treatment that we are giving Michael Jackson now. Based on the jumpsuit he is wearing in this video how can you not.

Hey Preppy!

Remember when AC Slater used to always call Zack Morris "Preppy" on Saved By the Bell? I never understood why. I mean I sort of get it. Zack Morris had the blonde hair, he was pretty clean cut, but still it didn't make sense. I mean check out Mark Paul Gosselar (Zack Morris) now:

He looks pretty Preppy these days.

But here?:

Come on.It looks like he got those clothes at Marshalls. And its almost a canadian tuxedo. Preppy? Not in my book.

Wacko Memorial

Thousands of Michael Jackson fans gathered at the the Apollo Theater in Harlem to celebrate the life and music of the "Gloved One." I find it a little strange that they would honor him at the Apollo considering he really wasn't black anymore.

Chinatown Barber

Do I really have to write anything here? I guess all I have to say is that NYC is without a doubt the most ridiculous city. Here is a funny conversation:

Person #1: Hey great haircut!
Person #2: Thanks!
Person #1: Who cut your hair?
Person #2: Mei Dick.

Chinatown Dentist

Only in Chinatown would a dentists office be called Dr. Toothy. I would rather have my teeth cleaned in a strip mall dentist office that is just called "Dentist." I feel like Dr. Toothy would be the name of a character on Pee-Wee's Playhouse who was a dentist and perhaps it would be played by Wallace Shawn. (if you don't know who Wallace Shawn is, he played the short, bald sidekick of Andre the Giant in The Princess Bride).

Kenny-Shack

So I just realized that Kenny Loggins not only sings the opening song from Caddyshack but he also sings the opening song from Caddyshack 2. In the first Caddyshack, the movie opens with Kenny singing the classic "I'm Alright." In Caddyshack 2, the movie opens with Jonathan Silverman running back to the shack for a Root Beer and the song playing is called "Nobody's Fool." Here is the video:



It's funny how in Caddyshack the name of the song Kenny sings is called "I'm Alright." The movie is a classic and the song is great. I'll say Kenny was definitely Alright. However, Caddyshack 2 is a bit different. The name of the song is "Nobody's Fool." Come on Kenny, let it go. The movie is terrible, Jackie Mason is the lead, Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd are terrible in it and the new Danny Noonan is Johnathan Silverman. You're pretty foolish.

Comic Strip Audition

I had an audition last night at the Comic Strip Live! in NYC. I destroyed which in comedy terms means I killed which in comedy terms means I had an amazing set and I didn't pass the audition. My feedback consisted of:

1.) "You went over your time a little bit."
2.) "Don't start off with drug jokes. People look at you with your long hair, beard and Grateful Dead shirt and they figure it out."
3.) "I love that weather channel bit. Keep writing original bits like that."

I love how he told me to keep working on original bits like the weather channel bit. This guy must hear bits about NY city Thai Restaurants called Joey Thai on a nightly basis.

WTF???!!!???

I cannot believe they are re-making the movie The Stepfather. Come on!!! I am beside myself right now. Even though I will go see it just out of curiosity, I only have one Stepfather and that is the great Terry O'Quinn who perfected the role way before he was Lost on a island.

This is your brain:


This is your brain on drugs:


Any questions?

Childish Temp

I'm just sitting here at my temp job, not working, and I wanted a snack so I went into the kitchen, poured myself a bowl of cheerios and dumped a spoonful of honey on top of them basically turning a normal bowl of cheerios into honey cheerios, which is something that I haven't done since I was about six. Perhaps tomorrow I should whip up some toast with butter and sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it thus turning it into Cinnamon Toast. That would really show off my maturity.

Duane Reade is bringing sexy back!!

Whose that with the sexy new look? Its Duane, Its Duane! Looks like Duane Reade got a little sick of their old look. This one is located on the Upper West Side and oh my does it look good. I may have to wear a collared shirt next time I go to pick up some Imodium AD.

My favorite Song

I don't know if I have ever had a favorite song. I feel like your favorite song is something that you can always listen to no matter what type of mood you are in or what you are doing. With that said the song "Queen Bee" by Taj Mahal takes home the prize.

Dr. Zizmor: Subway Dermatologist

My favorite part of riding the NYC subway are the advertisements. The best one has always been the ad for Dr. Zizmor who apparently is a World Class dermatologist and the picture above is a Before/After picture of one of his patients. This guy must be quite the dermatologist because it looks like he turned Sean Penn into a woman.

My Humble Abode

For all those interested about where I live, well here it is. This is the inspiration for the blog. This picture is taken from the entrance to my "apartment." As you can see, the bed is the same as the floor. I remember a friend of mine came into town and he was like, "Hey man do you have a place for me to stay?" I said, "Unfortunately I don't. My place is really small." He then said, "Thats okay. I'll just crash on the floor." To which I replied, "There is no floor. My bed is the floor and if you were to sleep on the "floor" in my apartment well lets just say our friendship might never be the same."

Irish

It's reasons like this that I love and hate being Irish

Favorite Video of the Week

I really have nothing to say here. Just watch and Enjoy!

Joey Thai

There is a Thai Restaurant in NYC called Joey Thai...

I talk about it

Best Scene In Film History

Karen: "You gave them 20 dollars each!"
Henry: "It's alright."

Awesome!!!!

DAMMMIT!!!!

All Work, No Play and Olive Oil Stains (from my Subway Sandwich) on my pants...


Make Phil A Dull Temp!

Name Tag on My Cubicle

Just so people know who they are dealing with at the Temp Job.


I remember when I first put that up someone saw it and started laughing. They were like "Phil the Temp. haha, thats funny. Did you put that up?" I'm like "No I ordered them from Corporate. What the hell do you think?" I actually didn't say that but I should have.

The Man Behind the Blogs

NO MORE DATA ENTRY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

Getting Your Daily Exercise....

......in 1977

This "Excerise Bike" was on the front stoop of my apartment building. Who the hell would still have this around? This looks like something that you would want to get rid of at a Garage Sale back in 1986.

The Greatest Thing In the World

I don't know if Rod Stewart loves the Hamptons but Rod Stuart seems to love them. But what if this Rod Stuart is actually THE Rod Stewart and he is now some sort of street artist? Maybe this is how he remains Forever Young?

Temp job

I am bored at my temp job right now so I decided to make this smiley face on my Cubicle post board. The face consists of thumb tacks, paper clips and leftover Breast cancer awareness pins (the nose and tongue) which were left on my desk from whoever previously sat here. I guarantee you he or she did not have the creativity of yours truly. Temps Rule!!!!!

Couples Wearing the Same Thing

Last night I saw a husband and wife, maybe in their 50's, walking down the street, holding hands but they were wearing the same shirts. The shirts were blue, button down shirts and had fish on them. Now in my opinion, if you are a Husband and Wife and you are wearing the same clothing then you better be a Husband and Wife Folk Duo or something, because if not then you are really creepy.

Favorite Video/Song of the Week

Yet another soulful tune that a white person has no business listening to. The singers name is Darondo. For some reason at first glance of this guy I figured his name would be Percy or Julius but I suppose Darondo works. Check out those rings!

Piano

This is a beautiful song.

Kind of makes me want to walk on a tight rope.

Air France/LOST part deux

So they are now starting to find debris from the Air France flight that crashed last week. Not only that but they are also beginning to pull bodies from the ocean. So I guess that kind of puts a damper on my LOST theory in that the plane and its passengers are on an island somewhere...but still, how can we be sure that Ben didn't put these bodies in the ocean and completely stage the whole crash to protect the island???

Three Dinner Guests

I've noticed everytime a professional athlete is asked "Three Dinner Guests?" A lot of the time they say Jesus Christ, Ghandi, and Martin Luther King. Those would be three awful dinner guests. Ghandi would probably be fasting, Jesus would only want to eat bread and Martin Luther King, well who knows what he would do or even say. The only time i've ever heard him speak is when he is giving that I Have A Dream Speech. Also, who picks up the check? Not only that, but it would be the most awkward looking dinner table. Check it out:




That last one is of a young Gary Sheffield during his Soul Glo days.

Air France/LOST

While I find the crash of Air France 447 to be heartbreaking and tragic, I can't get over the fact that they haven't found any of the debris. Apparently the debris they did find wasn't that of the Air France flight. I'm a big fan of the show LOST so this story has really caught my attention. I wonder if the plane is on some island right now and was brought down because someone forgot to push the button in the hatch. I feel like pitching a show to ABC called "ALSO LOST" about LOST fans who think the Air France flight is on an island right now.

Soul Music

I absolutely love Soul Music. Which is weird because I am very white but I can't help it. My brother got me into it and I was immediately hooked. I don't listen to it to try to be funny either. I genuinely love it.

Something that everyone should listen to is a podcast called Soul Sendikasi. It is run by a family friend who lives in Istanbul, TURKEY and it is some of the best soul music around. If you are looking for "Lets Get it On" by Marvin Gaye or "Brick House" by the Commodores then don't come around here as Tom Petty once said. Go back to your bad wedding or whatever. But if you are looking for some real soul, funk and R&B, then click on www.soulsendikasi.com and prepare yourself for some real Deep, Soulful Tracks. Want an example? Sure thing:


I remember I mentioned Lamont Dozier (the artist above) to a black woman at a bar in Brooklyn one time and her reaction: "Oh My God! How do you know who Lamont Dozier is? Baby if I didn't already have a man, I would totally give you the panties!"

Nuff Said.

(Just for the record, that experience in Brooklyn with that black woman happeneded on my first weekend living in NYC back in 2005. Man on man, when that happened I was like "Wow, I am definitely not in college anymore.")

Bill Hicks

This is a great interview with one of my favorite comedians, Bill Hicks. Its weird that he is one of my favorite comedians because he does a lot of material about religion, politics and society and I really don't do any political or religious material. I just love his style and attitude. Enjoy!

Game Show Network

I was watching the Game Show Network the other day for no apparent reason other than I just wanted to see what gameshows were like in 1983.


Also, this theme song is amazing!

Octomom

I wish the Octomom had six kids so we could have called her the SexMom.

Marathon training

Week 2 of my NYC marathon training starts tonight. My goal is to be the last runner to cross the finish line. I really don't care about my time or when I finish. One of the reasons I wanted to do the marathon was to see parts of NYC that I would never go to, i.e. Parts of Brooklyn by the Verrazano Bridge, the Bronx, the Upper East Side. I also want to come in last place because then maybe I will get on the news or something.

Here is a cool marathon video.

I Can't Get Enough of Guido Videos

Survivor Death

Philippine police say a contestant of the Bulgarian reality show "Survivor" has died of a heart attack while filming on an island beach.

Apparently the Bulgarian version actually lives up to the name of the show.

Pure Moods?

Remember this fucking creep show of a CD? I do. I remember these songs scaring the hell out of me for some reason, yet they make it out like its this relaxing music.


I feel like Pure Moods should only be listened to during an Orgy at a Castle in the Romanian countryside, during a rainstorm and there are candles and masks and no purity.

Yuppies

This is a clip of my stand up. Out of all the bits that I do, this one is probably my favorite.

Pleated Pants

I was shopping for clothes to wear to my temp job and accidentally bought a pair of Pleated Pants. I wasn't even aware they were pleated until I looked at myself in the mirror the next day. It sucks. I would take them back but I bought them in Rochester, NY. Now I have to walk around all day looking like the host from Supermarket Sweep.

Signed,

Bummed Out In a Cubicle

National Croquet Center

I was at a wedding two weeks ago in Palm Beach, Florida. The rehearsal dinner was held at the National Croquet Center, which is just unnecessary. Do we really need a "National Center" for that sport? I recall on the way to the event, my cousin asking me "How do you even play Croquet?" I actually have no idea how to play the sport but after spending a few hours at the National Croquet Center I learned that if you want to play Croquet, the first thing you have to do is be a Jackass.

Monday Morning Mullet

This morning on the NYC Subway I saw a Native American man with a mullet. Now while making fun of mullets and/or naming mullets is sooooo 1999, I just can't resist. A native american with a mullet? A Last of the Mullhicans! Zing! Hey Ohhhh!

"Interesting"

I got called out today for saying "Interesting" about something that wasn't necessarily Interesting. These two guys that I live with were telling me about a great Falafel restaurant in Greenwich village. While they were talking about it, I sort of spaced out for a couple seconds because I really wasn't that interested in what they were saying and when they were done talking, all I could say was "Huh, Interesting." One of the guys completely called me out and said, "Well it's not interesting. Interesting is used to describe something that is out of the ordinary or something that has never been seen before." The other guy agreed. He said, "Yeah, I find that "Interesting" is something that people say when they aren't really committed to a conversation or aren't really paying attention." And you know what, these guys were totally right. I didn't really care about the Falafel restaurant they were telling me about and I actually find myself doing that a lot and when they were done making me feel like an asshole all I could say was, "Thats interesting."

Razor Scooters

I don't think the question should be how old is too old to be riding around on a razor scooter but instead it should be How old is too old to be popping wheelies on a razor scooter. I saw a guy yesterday (and I stress the word "Guy") pop a wheelie onto the sidewalk. If you want to ride around on one, then that's fine, but tricks are for kids.

Another Sunday Afternoon Rant

You know what I'm sick of? Christopher Walken impressions. I actually don't know what irritates me more: The countless celebrities who do Christopher Walken impressions or that friend that people have who can "impersonate anybody." I actually used to be that friend in high school but I was different because I was the student who could impersonate all the teachers. It was fun. There was also a time in my stand up where I attempted to do a lot of celebrity impressions. The impressions that I would try consisted of Neil Young, Greta Van Susteren, Martin Scorsese, and Arlo Guthrie. None of the impressions were that great but at least I tried something different. I didn't go up there and be like "Hey guys, what would it be like if Christopher Walken and Al Pacino did a rap song. Huh?" The only Christopher Walken impression I want to hear is Christopher Walken doing Christopher Walken.

Sunday Afternon Rant

Like I said in a previous blog I am training for the NYC Marathon. I got a very good piece of advice from a friend of mine. She told me "You better make sure you have a good pair of shoes." Wow! Thanks! And to think this whole time I was going to train in Crocs. I figured the holes would allow my feet to breathe. Got anymore advice for me Prefontaine? Should I drink water or Colt 45 before the race?

Marathon Training

This week I started my Training Program for the NYC Marathon. I have basically been running now for a year and a half but now its time to start building towards the 26 miles that I will have to do on November 1st. These next five months will be grueling. Now some things will definitely change during my training. I will definitely lose weight. I will definitely cut back on the booze a bit (I stress the phrase "A Bit"). I will definitely eat healthier. BUT I definitely will NOT dress like this:
I hope that the marathon doesn't make me look like a white Kenyan.

My Week in Comedy

My joke about the conversation I had with a Dead Head Mom is doing really well and is definitely a keeper. I went to the Comedy Cellar on tuesday and saw Greg Giraldo, Jim Norton, Anthony Jeselnik, Dan Naturman, and Todd Barry. It was great!

Conversations With Tracy

This is a conversation I had with my friend Tracy today. I was on 23rd Street in NYC and was on my way to HR Block to file my very first Tax Return.

TRACY: So what brings you up to 23rd St?
ME: I'm headed to HR Block
TRACY: Ooo, whats going on there?
ME: I'm filing a tax return
TRACY: Woah, a little late. Did you get an extension or something?
ME: No, i just found out what a Tax Return is.

My favorite video of the week

I wish I could download the theme song for Soul Glo from the movie Coming to America but I can't. So all I have is this video which I think is my favorite part of that movie. Clearly Eriq LaSalle's finest screen moment. This is the type of character you play when you go by "Eriq" instead of "Eric."